My Validation

I've been thinking more thoughts this week.  Scary, I know.  Once upon a time, I saw the bumper sticker "Do you ever stop to think and forget to start again?" and it quickly became a fave.  If I didn't think there was something slightly tacky about most bumper stickers (window decals are a separate thing) then I would probably buy this one instantly.

This is what I've been thinking about this week- why is it necessary to tell someone their thoughts/feelings/ideas are wrong or to try and one up them with our experience?  Case in point from this morning- a younger sister went to the dentist.  This particular sister had a hard time with the dentist, as many do.  She posted a FB status and one of the comments was something along the lines of "It's no big deal.  I've done all that without anesthesia.  Why are people afraid of the dentist?"  Well, good for whoever that was, but just because your experience is more positive, that doesn't deny the fact that some people have a hard time.  For me, I am not clausterphobic so having an MRI is not a big deal- the machine even broke once when I was in there.  But I have dear friends who are so terrified of enclosed spaces that they have to be sedated for an MRI and even just hearing about my experience made them shiver.  Would I dare to say that they need to toughen up just because their struggles are not my struggles?  No.

I have a hard time with the negative Nellies in the world.  Those who bring up the flaw in every statement, those who see what is wrong before what is right in a person's comment/story/experience.  We need to uplift and strengthen each other and give credit to the experiences (good or bad) that others around us go through.  We are not meant to navigate this crazy world alone, but if all we do is bring out the bad and put others down, in time, that is what we will be.  And that is sad.

We are all unique.  Our lives are unique.  Our children, family, marriages (or lack thereof) are unique.  I genuinely believe that each of us are trying our best to do what we feel is right and best for our little corner of the world and to leave this place better than when we found it.  Howsabout we focus on that and doing what we can to help each other?  So what if it's not how we would do it for our life?  Sometimes it's not about whose idea is right or whose style of spirituality/parenting/living/being married is best.  It's about what is right for that person, in that moment, doing what they can to set up success for life.  It's about being there when they have a bad experience and validating them and asking what can we do to help, not saying, in essence, "You're wrong for feeling this way."  It's about helping each other get over the hurdles and through the mud puddles.  And it's about celebrating when the good happens.  Even (and probably especially) when it is of no great significance to us, it is to those we care about, and that should be cause for celebration.

I am glad to have a wide variety of people in my life. I have crunchy granola type friends who co-sleep and practice attachment parenting and they are wonderful. I have friends who live a very structured, controlled life and they are hilarious. I have friends who are super liberal and friends who make the Tea Party look moderate. I have friends who are spiritual but not religious, LDS, Catholic, Agnostic, Athiest, and just about everything in between. I have blonde friends, tall friends, skinny friends, and friends of all kinds of other physical, social and emotional demographics.

My friends make my life a tossed salad of awesomeness.  Who wants to be the crouton?