My Refrigerator Rights

I just got back from a conference in St. George. I thoroughly enjoyed the speakers (mostly). They had a lot of great things to say about a lot of different things. But, there are a couple of things that stuck with me the most. Each will get its own blog entry. This is the first of those...

Dr. Will Miller spoke Thursday afternoon. He's a comedian/chaplain/speaker/therapist- a bit of a jack of all trades. He is funny! He had a lot of good things to say, but what I especially liked was what he referred to do as "refrigerator rights" relationships.

Refrigerator Rights Relationships are "people who can open your refrigerator without having to ask permission. And when you are in their home you can do the same. They are people with whom you feel open, cared for and relaxed. They know the real you behind the facade." He discussed how important it is that we have those and how, in our world of increasing physical separation from those closest to us, the number of RRR we each have is decreasing to an uhealthy level. There are ties with these types of relationships to the risk of Alzheimers, depression and a host of other mental and physical illnesses.

This (it's a pitch for the book he wrote on this, but there's also his explanation of RRR) is why he says they are important: "Over the past several generations we have become increasingly independent and individualistic. The research shows that many of us are living away from our birthplace and our family of origin. We may have lots of friends and acquaintences but have fewer relatives in our daily life.

By any measure having a strong social support system is a critical resource for healthy living. Research abounds testifying to the need for close relationships to keep our mood buoyant through the uncertainties of human living. Refrigerator Rights relationships give us practical and emotional resources that casual friends cannot offer. Our psychological well-being depends on having strong social support."

This all led me to think about RRR throughout my own life. I have had a lot of great friends- some I have known for years, others are new friends. Anyone who is in my home is welcome to raid the fridge and get what they want, but those core relationships, the ones who are the support system Dr. Miller talks about, those are fewer and far between. If I have a bad day, while it is great to have casual friends ask what they can do, there are certain people who I want to talk to, not just anyone. When I broke off my engagement back a few years ago, it wasn't enough to talk to just anyone- I needed someone who could see me have an ugly cry and not think less of me. My RRR can see all my crazy and they still love me, warts and all. I consider myself extremely blessed in the family department- I know I could call anyone of them at any time of day or night, when my life is falling apart or I am just plain sad. But outside of that, I have maybe 3 or 4 who I would consider part of my RRR.

I heard it said once that a true friend is one who you can sit with, not say anything and be content to enjoy the silence. This is another thing I thin of with RRR. No words have to be spoken to have a conversation.

So, here's to all of our RRR! Let's look for more, treasure the ones we have, and do what needs done to restore ones that have been lost. And know that you're always welcome to raid my fridge!